One steps back, Two step forward
by 2AGlitterGirl
Summary: Continuation of Marlowe Prep. Kate backslides, will Castle and Beckett ever be able to have a real relationship?


**This is a continuation of Marlowe Prep. If you haven't read that yet, please do so this story will make sense. I didn't know at the time it was going to be a continuation, basically because I'm new at this and don't know what the hell I'm doing. LOL **

It had been a long, hard two weeks at the precinct. Three difficult cases back to back. The first case was a 10 year old boy who had been murdered. That case took a toll on all of them emotionally. Beckett was just finishing the paperwork for the third one this morning, then she was on vacation for a week. "Esposito, do you have that file I need?" "Yeah let me go get it. It's in the other room" he said as he was walking away.

Kate was so glad she was going to have some time off. It had been awhile since she took a vacation. She loved her job, but she was getting a bit burnt out. She was signing her name and deep in thought. "Hello Honey Baby" Castle said striding up to her desk. 'Oh my god!', Kate thought. 'What in the hell was he doing?' She spun around to face Castle smiling at her. She was not amused and said, "Castle do not ever say that to me here, ever again! Do you understand?" Castle lost the smile quickly. "I was just kidding! Well, I do think you are sweet, but I'd never call you something that cheesy." "What if someone heard you?" she demanded. "Relax there is no one around!" Kate was stressed and didn't want people to know how they felt for each other and there Castle was making some joke, _again_!

They had never made it on their first date. It was supposed to be two weeks ago but work got in the way as it did so often. She just glared at him. Did he have to wear that blue shirt today of all days? It just brought out his blue eyes even more. She could not reveal any emotion for him around people at work. He tried to put his hand around her waist one time in the break room and she quickly nixed that idea. He knew better!

"Castle, I'm going on vacation for a week after today. So you won't have to be around here next week if you don't want to be" Kate said with little emotion. "What? Why didn't you tell me?" "I'm telling you now Castle." "Well I meant sooner of course. Maybe we can go on our first date finally." Castle whispered this last part. "Castle I'm really not sure what I'm going to be doing." Kate said nonchalantly. "Probably spending time with my Dad for one thing" she added. "Beckett did Esposito bring you that file yet?" Ryan asked as he walked up. "Hey Castle!" Ryan said cheerfully. "Hey Ryan." Castle said with no enthusiasm. "No, he hasn't come back yet." Kate said trying to ignore the look on Castle's face. "I'll go track him down. He's probably talking to Lanie on the phone again." Ryan said smiling. Beckett smiled at him.

"So are you _really_ going on this vacation?" Captain Montgomery asked as he strolled in holding a cup of coffee. "Of course!" Beckett smiled at him. "Of course she says, like she does this every year!" Montgomery directed this comment at Castle. "I don't suppose you'll be around either Castle?" "Well no, I guess not" is all Castle said. "Don't think you can slack off just because it's your last day!" "No, Sir!" Beckett smiled knowing that the Captain was teasing her. He waved his hand as he went back to his office.

Castle was feeling sad at Kate's reaction to his suggestion. Sure they had been busy with their cases over the last couple of weeks, but when they got time he was sure they would spend some time together. Now it seemed like what happened two weeks ago never did. The passionate kiss, the I love you's, none of it seemed real now. What happened? Did he do something? Did she not really mean what she said that night?

"Here's the file Beckett. Sorry, got a little side tracked!" Esposito, said with a smirk. "Uh huh, and how is Lanie?" Kate asked. "My girl is feelin' fine, and lookin' fine as always!" Esposito said like a proud peacock showing his feathers. "Well I'm going to call her soon. I haven't seen enough of her outside of work lately." Kate said as she opened the file and looked at its contents. "Hey my man, what's goin' on?" Esposito said to Castle still on his Lanie high. "Not much, man, not much." Castle said quietly. Esposito looked at him and noticed he wasn't his usual self. Must have something to do with Beckett going on vacation he thought. Well it's only a week, he'll live.

"Esposito, did you update those notes I asked you to? When it goes to court it needs to be accurate." Beckett said in her detective mode. "Almost done, I'll get on it now." Esposito said walking over to his desk.

Kate wanted all the distraction going on so she didn't have to explain to Castle why she was reluctant about seeing him. She was scared and knew she was scared but couldn't stop herself. She meant all those things she said over two weeks ago, but she just didn't know how to go about implementing them. This wasn't going to be dating some guy she kind of liked. This was a whole different ball game and it scared the hell out of her. She was a 'one and done' and she knew this was her chance at 'one'. She truly did love Castle, Rick. There was still a lot she didn't know about his life though. She knew a lot about his personality but not his life story, and the story mattered. 'Can I handle this?' she thought. Only one way to find out, but yet she hesitated. Pushing people away, even those she loved was familiar to her. She really was tired of this. She was blocking the one thing she needed the most, love, and someone to share her life with. Yeah she dated Josh for some time, but that wasn't really real. They barely saw each other and were always interrupted when together. She didn't share things with him like she did with Castle. She only told him her Mother was murdered, and was working on her case over the years. She just didn't have the energy to tell him the whole story. In some way though she knew it wasn't because she didn't have the energy it was because she wasn't invested in the relationship. 'Why can't I just let go?' she wondered. 'Why is it so easy for everyone else to just lay it all out there?'

Her thinking was interrupted by her phone ringing. "Beckett" "Hey girl!" Lanie's voice was upbeat obviously from talking to Esposito a little while ago. "I hear you are going on vaca next week!" "Yeah I can't wait!" "I was surprised; I thought a vacation to you _was_ working!" "All work and no play, you know!" Kate said trying to drown out her earlier thoughts. "Well hit me up, we'll get together if you are around." "Sure I'd love to!" Kate said her spirits lifting again. "Ok girl, I'll talk to you later." "Ok, bye Lanie."

Beckett put down the phone looking at Castle. He had been in the break room making coffee and she noticed he set a cup down on her desk while her back was turned talking to Lanie. "Thank you Castle." "My pleasure!" he said trying not to sound like a wounded school boy who was rejected by the prettiest girl in class. "Well it's going to be all paperwork today unless we catch a case, and even then I probably won't be assigned to it because I won't be here to finish it. You can go home if you want." Castle pondered this for a second. No way was he letting her get off this easy. He was not just going to be sent away like some errand boy. "No, I think I'll stay awhile. I can do some filling or something." Beckett gave him a suit yourself look, but inside was nervous. He wasn't saying anything. Strange for him. Was he content to let her go? Just like that? She really couldn't blame if he did. She would be devastated of course if he did.

"It's nice to see Esposito so happy!" Castle smiled. "Yeah" Kate said wondering if this was supposed to be some sort of a hint she was supposed to figure out. "Does Lanie seem happy with him too?" "Sure, I guess so." Kate was getting uncomfortable. 'Why was he talking about this now? Why doesn't he just ask Esposito himself?' "Good" was all he said taking a sip of coffee with an 'I don't have a care in the world' look on his face. Beckett turned around and rolled her eyes a little bit, half uncomfortable at this questioning and half annoyed he was being so coy all of the sudden. "They seem really in love!" Castle piped up. "What?" Beckett spun around to face him. "What do you mean what?" Castle asked innocently. "I mean why are you bringing up their love life?" "No particular reason, they are both my friends and I like to see my friends happy, don't you?" She just looked at him. He smiled and said, "It's nice when people can express their feelings for one another and just be happy doing so, don't you think?" Castle said a little more seriously. 'Checkmate, Kate' he thought to himself. Kate could play this game too. "Of course!" she said with a touch of stubbornness. "Well I guess there is really nothing for me to do here after all. Have a good vacation Kate!" Castle walked away grabbing his coat throwing it over his shoulder still holding his coffee cup in his hand. Beckett was dumb founded. 'That was it? That was all he was going to say? No fighting, not even an I'll call you?' She felt tightness in her chest. 'What have I done?'

Castle was more than a little hurt. He nursed a drink all Friday night and tried to think of new story ideas. Mother was out and Alexis was in her room. 'All this time, all this progress and this is what it has come to? 'Maybe it's just not meant to be,' he thought sadly. 'Maybe that brick wall is so strong and so thick no one can get through. She said she loved me! Is it enough? No, he thought, sometimes it wasn't' Look at his two marriages. He loved them, at least for awhile, but it wasn't enough. He was younger then though, and much more immature. He got the better deal than they did though. He got his daughter! His wonderful, responsible, loving daughter! What did he do to deserve her? He must have done something right if she turned out so great. 'I am loveable aren't I?' He wanted to learn, to progress. Beckett had _made_ him want to. He never wanted it more in his life and he had her to thank for it. She made him a better person and now if felt like a broken plate that can never be glued back together. He made a decision; he'd have to let her go. As hard as it was he would have to do it. This realization physically hurt. She just isn't ready to give her heart to anyone, not even me. 'If she'd only meet me half way!'

It was Saturday morning with light streaming through the window onto her newspaper. The coffee was brewing and she was still in her pajamas. It was nice to be able to just lounge around doing nothing. It had been far too long since she had done this. If she wasn't working, which was most of the time, then she was cleaning or doing laundry or running errands. She thought about getting a cleaning lady, but was far too private to do that. She hadn't slept good thinking about Rick. He didn't call last night. Maybe he'll call today. It was a beautiful day out. Maybe she'd go for a bike ride in Central Park or something. She looked at the coffee pot which had stopped brewing and got up to get a cup of coffee for herself. 'I really need this, she thought tiredly.'

Saturday came and went. No call from Castle. She tried to enjoy herself bike riding and she did to some extent but all she could do was think about him. It was a soul searching day for her and she had a lot of time to think, the luxury she didn't have often, at least not about her life. She had a lot of time to think about murders and suspects and motives, but not about her own life and where it was going. What did she really want out of life? Was it all just about work and her Mother's murder? Did she want kids? Did she want kids with Castle? These were the questions she asked herself as she rode along. What about her friendships? She had some girlfriends in the past but they sort of fell by the wayside. She was too focused on her job and any free time was spent trying to figure out her Mother's murder.

She thought back to when her Mother was alive. The ache she felt for her Mother right now, at this very moment was overwhelming. Kate's eyes welled up with tears and she began to cry. I don't have my Mother here to give me advice about life, or tell me everything will be alright in the end, she thought. She could be discussing Rick with her, instead of lost in her own thoughts. I miss her so much! I've just been thinking about how she died and who killed her I haven't stopped to think about her _life,_ and being alive. That thought was like a breakthrough and she started to sob. A whole year of therapy hadn't even brought her to that point. She cried for 20 minutes straight. She had cried before, but never like this. It was like the adult she was now, grieved for her. Before it had been the child in her. She knew now what the loss really meant. Time was short, even shorter for some. She thought about Castle thinking Alexis had been shot or dead and how he felt after that. He said he didn't want to waste anymore time. She understood this now. It's not as if she hadn't before, but it was like watching a blurry TV before and now it was in clear, crisp focus.

Sunday Kate spent thinking, crying and rearranging things in her apartment. She called Lanie Sunday afternoon and asked if she wanted to go dancing. "Dancing? Honey you don't dance, or at least I didn't think you did." "Well I'm turning over a new leaf. So do you want to?" "Are there going to be boys involved?" Lanie wanted to know. "No, just us girls." "Ok then sign me up" almost with a laugh. "It'll be fun, we'll drink and dance and let loose" Kate said. "Sweetie, I'm always ready to get my groove on." Lanie said laughing.

'Still no call from Castle', Kate thought, getting ready to go out with Laine. She was determined to have fun tonight though. This was her vacation and she wasn't going to waste it. She would think about Castle later. Lanie knocked on Kate's door. Kate got up and answered the door and Lanie did a model walk for fun. "Wow Lanie you are dressed to kill!" "Well that will work out then won't it? I'll just cart them off to the morgue after they're dead." They both laughed at that. "Besides I might go see my Latin hunk later and a girl has to keep the spice in spicy!" Kate smiled as she thought, 'she is too much!' What a difference between us. They got along great though. Kate really missed her and made a promise to herself she was going to try and nurture this friendship more.

They went to the club and ordered drinks and took a table in a corner so they could talk a little without getting totally drowned out by the music. "Girl what has gotten into you?" Lanie asked. "What do you mean?" Kate looked at her perplexed. "I mean since when do you call me up to go _dancing_?" "I just thought it would be fun!" Kate said taking a sip of her drink. "Well if I'm here it's always a party, but you don't normally do this kind of thing." "I know" said seriously. Lanie knew when not to push and she wanted her friend to have a good time tonight.

They ordered another round of drinks. They were both getting into the spirit of things. "Ohhhhh!" they both said in unison when Brick House came on. Lanie took Kate's hand and led her out to the dance floor. They were both dancing away and laughing. They were young women in serious professions and sometimes it sucked the youth right out of them. This was a chance to celebrate life and have fun together. They went back to their table after dancing to a few songs, tired. "I didn't know you could dance so well, Kate! See, you need to do this more often!" Lanie said out of breath. "I know" Kate said summoning the cocktail waitress over. "Could we have two more please?" "Sure" said the pretty blond waitress. "Thank you!" "How are things going at the 12th?" Kate asked thinking about work. "Oh no, no you don't!" Laine exclaimed. "What? I just want to know what's going on." "Well then you shouldn't have taken a vacation. No shop talk here tonight. Nuh uh, I'm not having it!" "Ok" Kate said reluctantly.

The new round of drinks arrived and they talked and laughed as they drank them. A very good looking guy strolled up to their table looking at Beckett. He asked, "Would you like to dance?" "Uh, no, thank you, not right now" was Kate's response. He walked away deflated. "Why didn't you dance with that boy? He was a knockout! You are single and ready to mingle right?" Lanie said with a questioning look. The drinks were catching up with both of them. Kate did not say anything; she just covered her face with her hands and was silent for a few seconds. She started to cry. She tried not to. She cried more in the last two days then in the last two decades she thought. What is wrong with me? I am not a crier! "Honey are you crying?" Lanie said bending down to see her uncovered face. "What's wrong sweetie?" Beckett was feeling a little drunk. "I need to tell Castle I'm sorry." Oh boy this is getting into serious territory Lanie thought. "Come on Honey, I think it's time to go!" Lanie led her by the hand out of the club, while Kate wiped the tears from under her eyes. They stepped outside and Lanie hailed a cab. They got inside and Laine told the cab driver the address to her apartment. "You can stay at my place tonight. I think I need to take care of you." The drinks were affecting Lanie too, but not as much as Kate who was a toothpick.

"Now what's this about telling Castle sorry?" Lanie asked when they had sat down on the couch. "I have to tell him I'm sorry, Lanie. I can't leave it this way!" Kate said with slightly slurred speech. She got out her phone and was looking under contacts, ready to call Castle. "No Honey, it's late you can't call him now, he's probably asleep." "I _have_ to! What if he never wants to see me again?" "Well tomorrow you can call him, for now you need to get ready for bed." Kate looked over at her with a glazed look. Lanie went and got a pair of sweats and a t-shirt for her friend. Kate went to the bathroom to put them on, while Lanie made her a small bowl of cereal and put out three aspirin and a full glass of water. "I want you to eat that and take those, and drink all that water!" Lanie instructed. "Ok" was all Kate said. She did as told and laid her head down on the couch. "I'll tell him tomorrow! I'll tell him tomorrow!" Kate repeated a few times. Lanie covered her up with a blanket and got a pillow out of a closet and put it under her head. Lanie wondered what that was all about. She knew Castle and Beckett had feelings for each other, but she sensed this was something different, more serious. She was too tired and tipsy to give it more thought than that, at this point.

Kate woke up around to find Lanie in the kitchen making coffee. "Good morning party girl!" Lanie said teasing Kate. "Uhhgg! What time is it?" Kate asked pushing back her hair. "9:06 to be exact" She poured them both coffee and handed a cup to Kate. "How are you feeling sunshine?" "Surprisingly, not too bad! Just a slight headache." "Well those aspirins will do the trick every time!" Lanie said sitting down. "Want some breakfast?" "No, Lanie you've gone above and beyond the call already, taking care of me." "No problem girl. That's what friends are for." Lanie said giving her a smile. "Well I feel like I ruined your plans with Esposito!" "Oh don't worry about that, we see each other all the time. He was glad we had a good time and a little surprised you asked me." Kate just smiled.

She loved Ryan and Esposito like brothers. They were so smart and sweet. They knew exactly what she needed almost even before she did. They got along with Castle too coming in, being an outsider. She wouldn't trade them in as partners or backup or friends for anything! Lanie looked at Kate wondering how much she would be willing to divulge. "What was all that talk about Castle last night?" It then dawned on Kate that she _did_ talk about him. Oh no! "It's really nothing. I just need to apologize to him for something." Kate tried to make it sound like no big deal. "Ok, but you know I'm always here to listen don't you?" "Yeah, thank you Lanie. I need to get dressed and go home." "Ok, I'll drive you. I have to go into work today"

Kate unlocked her front door and went inside. Completely still. Why of all days did it seem so quiet in here? She never really had that feeling before. She made some eggs and toast and brewed some more coffee. Then she sat down on the couch and noticed her guitar in the corner on its stand. She hadn't played it in awhile. She reached for the remote and found an old movie on. It's was just starting and looked interesting. So she ate and watched and curled up with a blanket. She thought about Castle again and knew she needed to talk to him. It was early afternoon and she got in the shower, put on jeans and a sweater, curled her hair and did her make-up. She went to the book shelf and pulled something out and put it in her tote bag. She wondered if Castle would be home. It was Monday late afternoon. Castle was always with her at this time so she wondered where he would be if he was anywhere. She grabbed her stuff and headed out the door.

She knocked loudly on the door in case any of the three of them were in the other room. She heard someone walking up to the door and was very nervous. "Detective Beckett!" Alexis exclaimed. "Hi Alexis, how are you doing?" Kate smiled nervously at her. "Fine, come in. My Dad isn't here right now but he should be back soon. Gram is gone too." Alexis was a little puzzled as to why she was here. She knew she was on vacation. Kate walked to the couch and set her tote bag down. "Can I get you something to drink or anything?" "No, thank you. How is school going for you now?" Alexis knew she meant how was it going back to a school where a murder had taken place. "It's ok, still a little weird, but I think everyone is coping ok." "Good, I'm glad to hear that!" Kate said with a sympathetic smile. "Well uhm, Ashley is coming to pick me up soon. We are going to the movies, but you can wait here for my Dad if you want."

Alexis figured Kate would want to leave. Instead she said, "Yeah, ok if you don't mind." There was a knock on the door and Alexis kind of skipped to the door and answered it. Kate thought, 'oh to be that young, before all the responsibilities of life kick in!' "Hi!" Ashley smiled at Alexis with puppy dog eyes. "Hi!" She took Ashley's hand and led him over to the couch where Kate had stood up. "Ashley have you met Detective Beckett?" "Well, not formally but I saw her at the station when I went to talk to your Dad." "Hi Ashley" Kate said with her hand stretched out. Ashley took her hand and shook it smiling. "Hi it's nice to see you again!" "You too!" Kate offered. "Well I guess we better get going if we don't want to be late" Alexis said taking hold of Ashley's hand. "Ok well have fun you two!" Kate said waving. "Just make yourself at home, Detective Beckett. I'm sure my Dad will be here any minute." "Ok thank you!"

Kate was alone in Castle's apartment. She took off her coat and set it at the far end of the couch. There was a coffee table book laying there and the title was '100 Of The Best Movies Of All Time'. She picked it up and looked at the pictures in it and the captions. She had been there fifteen minutes and she heard a key unlocking the door. She put down the book and stood up wringing her hands together. She was very nervous. Maybe it was Martha. She hoped if it were she didn't scare her by being there. She walked around the couch as Castle was walking in with dry cleaning. "Hi" she said wanting to alert him before he saw her. He put the dry cleaning on a hook, and walked over to her. He just stared at her as if too afraid to speak. He kept walking toward her not saying anything. Kate walked fast toward him and wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" Tears were welling up in Kate's eyes. She hugged him tighter to show her sincerity. He was hugging her back just as tightly. They stood in that position for a few minutes and he pulled her away and looked deep into her eyes.

Her eyes were still filled with tears. "I'm sorry Rick, I know I pushed you away and I hurt you. I realized I was only thinking of my own fear and not about how you feel. Please forgive me!" "Already forgotten Kate, but you have to trust me. I'm not _ever _going to intentionally hurt you! Let me in, Kate! That is all I ask. I told you I'd take it slow. I won't push you, but I can't constantly run after you either. I need to feel like you want me, and want to be with me." The rush of guilt overwhelmed her. 'God how selfish of her! This was the man she said loved and he feels like I don't want to be with him?' "I know! I'm sorry! I _do_ want you and want to be with you! It's been really hard for me to let people in, especially you, because of how deeply I feel about you, but I'm trying!" She kissed him lightly on the lips. "Ok. I haven't been in the best place the past few days. I felt like it was completely over for us." She just hugged him.

"Castle come here, I want to show you something!" she said taking his hand and leading him to the couch. They sat down and she pulled a photo album out of her tote bag. "This is my effort to let you in. This is a photo album of my family. Of when Mom was alive. You see I got so caught up in her death, I forgot to remember her life! You of all people deserve to see this. You've helped me try to solve her case and I've never really shared her life, and my life with her, with you! So I brought it for you to see."

Castle knew this was a huge step for her, sharing this with him. He was completely flattered. He set the photo album on his lap and opened the first page. Kate was sitting right next to him with her arm around his waist. This was a little foreign to them both, this physical part. For so long there was nothing physical between them, not even really friendly hugs. He drank it in though. It was so nice for him to feel affection from her. He carefully looked at each picture. Kate as a baby, Kate as a little girl, Kate learning to ride a bike. Johanna dressed up smiling. 'Kate's smile' he thought. There was one picture of Kate and her Mother when she was about three years old. Her Mother was looking at her with such love. "That is the sweetest picture I think I've ever seen!" Castle said. "I know, it's my favorite of the two of us." He looked at her. There were tears in her eyes again. "You should blow that up and frame it!" "I've wanted to, I just never got around to it" she said. Castle made a mental note to steal that picture soon and get that done for her.

They looked at the album for a long time, going over each picture and Kate explaining where they lived or what was happening. "Thank you for sharing that with me, it means a lot to me and I feel like I know your Mother better through these pictures" Castle said sincerely. Kate looked at him and smiled. "There are more albums in my apartment, but I couldn't lug them all over here" Kate said happy that it was still going to happen between them. She kissed him and he kissed her back. "I know I've told you this before Rick, but you honestly don't know how much it has meant to me that you have helped me with my Mom's case. I don't think I could have gone through it without you." "Well it's not over yet, you know. We still don't know who killed her." "I know but I feel like we will, eventually."

They just sat and talked for another two hours until they realized they were both starving. "Wanna go get a burger?" Castle asked. "Sure" Kate replied. "You know this doesn't count as our first date, don't you?" Castle smiled. "Yeah I know Castle, so when are we going out?" she asked raising her eyebrows. "How about Wednesday?" "Sounds good to me!" she said looping her arm through his. "Ok, and it's going to be a fun date, no heavy subjects, no work talk, agreed?" Castle held out his hand for her to shake. "Agreed" she said taking his hand and shaking it.

She went home around nine that night, happy. Castle called her the next day as she was getting ready to meet her Dad for lunch. "Hello?" "Hi Kate it's me." "Hi, Honey! Kate said smiling. She thought she would do it for shock value, but she meant it too. 'Honey?' Rick thought. He almost had to sit down when he heard this. It was a little strange for Kate to hear herself even say that. She really didn't have terms of endearment for any of her boyfriends. This was the 'new' her though, the more open her. She couldn't stay stuck in business mode forever, not if she wanted things to change that is.

"I, uh, I,... did you just call me Honey?" Rick said grinning to himself. "I did!" she laughed. "I like it!" he said almost in a cartoonish way. They both laughed. "Listen I have a friend who has a band who is playing locally Wednesday night, you know standard rock cover band stuff. I thought we could go to dinner and then go see them play. What do you think?" "Sounds fun!" "So I'll call you tomorrow, but say around 6ish?" "Great!" "Ok have a nice time with your Dad today!" Castle said. "Ok I will, bye...Honey." Castle hung up the phone and laughed. This is so weird, he thought.

It was date night tonight. Should she get her nails done? 'What for?' she thought. I have to keep my nails short anyway to play guitar. She had some clear nail polish and went with that. Maybe get her hair done? No she didn't want to seem like she was trying too hard, besides she really wasn't that type. She did her own hair, make-up and the like. She wasn't high maintenance at all. Being a cop she really couldn't be and it just wasn't in her nature to be. She did like being a girl though and dress up and put on make-up.

She wanted to call Lanie and tell her all about it, but Castle and she talked about letting people know they were together and they both decided it wasn't time yet. It was just too new. They weren't even sure where it was going to go yet. She knew if she told Lanie not to say anything she would try her hardest not to, but she may let something slip to Esposito and it would be all over the precinct by lunch time. The trick was going to be getting Castle to not show how he feels about her to everyone else. She could handle it. She was trained not to show emotion. It wouldn't be hard for her. Her fears tried to creep back in and she told herself, 'no, just let things be.'

Castle called her around 1 pm. "Hi, what are you doing?" Castle asked brightly. "I'm cleaning my apartment." That was only half true but she couldn't let on she was too eager. She had to keep him on his toes. "Oh, well I just wanted to say don't get too dressed up, ok? This restaurant is a hole-in-the-wall kind of place but I've heard they have the best spaghetti around! Plus this club the band is playing in isn't exactly upscale, but it's decent" Castle explained. "Ok" was all she said. "You still want to go don't you? You haven't changed your mind?" "No, Castle, I'll see you later ok?" "Ok I'll pick you up around 6." "Ok, bye!" 'No Honey this time' Castle thought. Well he couldn't expect miracles overnight could he?

Kate did clean her kitchen up. She wasn't planning on inviting Castle back to her place even for a drink. She didn't want things to move too quickly and burn out. She put her Ipod in the speaker dock and turned it on. She had a big mix of stuff on there. Some mellow stuff, some rock, some jazz and various other things. Lots of songs she wanted to learn the guitar part to. She opened her shutters which doubled as her murder board and stared at it. Maybe if I look at it enough times something will jump out at me eventually. Nothing did today though and she closed it back up.

"Richard what is going on with you lately?" Martha asked. "You haven't seen Beckett in days, yet you're as happy as a clam." "Can't I just be happy Mother?" Castle looked at her. "Well of course darling but I'm just surprised is all." Castle thought he'd better tell her. Living with her it was impossible to keep secrets.

"Mother if I tell you something you have to promise not to say anything to anyone. Not even Alexis, although she is pretty smart and may figure it out on her own." "Ok I guess, what?" "No, not ok I guess, you can't say anything to anyone!" "Ok, ok, I give! What is it for heaven's sake?" "Beckett and I are going on a date tonight!" Rick squinted his eyes shut waiting for her reaction. Martha laughed. "Richard why are you making that face? I think it's lovely." "You do?" Castle asked shocked. "Yes, and it's about time! I'd almost given up on you two!" "Us two? You mean you knew Beckett liked me all this time?" "Well no, not exactly, not _all _this time, just some of the time." Castle's mouth hung open. "You never thought to tell me this?" "Darling it's none of my business!" Martha said raising her hands.

"I can't believe you never saw it. It was as plain as day." "What? It _was_ not!" Castle exclaimed! "Kiddo, a woman knows these things and I could tell Beckett was attracted to you! Even when she was with what's-his-name!" Martha said trying to convince him. "_How_ do you know these things?" "A woman's intuition of course! Plus darling, I'm a trained actress you know! We are taught to read people." Castle just rolled his eyes.

"Where are you going?" she asked eagerly. "I'm taking her to a little Italian place, and then we are going to see my friend Bill's band play." "Ahh, fun!" she said clapping her hands. "Yeah I told Kate we were to have fun tonight. Nothing heavy, no work talk, just fun." "Good, you two deserve it!" She kissed him on the cheek and exited the room.

Four fifteen the clock read. Kate had been reading a book and decided she would get ready now. Reading was a loose term for what she had been doing. Scanning and going back over everything she had just read was more like it. She had seen Castle almost every day for the last three years, why was she so nervous? Because she thought, now they both knew about one another. There was no going back, no more pretending what just happened didn't happen. No covering up their feelings anymore. 'What if we see someone we know?' She thought in a panic. 'Unlikely I guess, well, except for Rick's friend and she would just be another girl he was dating, to him.' She got up and went and took a shower. The hot water felt good, eased her muscles which were tense. She got out of the shower and went to pick out her clothes. She picked black jeans, a purple silk tank top, and a gray blazer. She got out her long silver necklace too. 'Not too dressy' she thought. She got her black high-heeled boots out of the closet. She went and did her make-up. She put on a little bit more than she usually does for work and fixed her hair.

Five-thirty the clock said. She got dressed and considered having a drink before Castle got there. 'No' she thought, I need to learn how to be around him, this side of him, without it. Sure she would have some drinks with him, at the restaurant perhaps, but she needed to keep a level head. She did of course want to _remember _their first date! She was excited to see him and how he would be and what he would wear. She hoped he wasn't too over the top about everything, she didn't know if she could handle that.

Rick was finishing getting ready in his bathroom. He put on a tiny bit of after shave lotion. He hated men who bathed in the stuff. He put just enough so that she could smell it but it wouldn't be overpowering. He decided to wear something different than she normally saw him in. It was always button down shirts with a blazer. He thought he'd mix it up a bit tonight. He wore dark gray pants with pockets on the side, and a subdued greenish sweater with a V neck. It was a little chilly out, but not so much that he had to wear a jacket. He thought about giving her some flowers, but decided against it. It was a little bit overdone for a first date he thought. Instead he bought her a small book on art. He knew she liked art a lot. He simply had them tie a blue satin ribbon around it at the store. He was ready to go. He was glad Alexis was at a study group tonight. He didn't want to have to make something up to tell her. He never involved her in his dating life with a woman until later. Kate would be no exception. He grabbed his keys and headed out the door.

She heard a knock on the door. 'Precise' she thought looking at the clock. She smiled then took a deep breath before answering. She opened the door and there was Castle smiling at her. "Hello beautiful!" he said. "You look great Kate!" She smiled shyly, trying to take the sincere compliment in stride. She was taken aback at how good he looked tonight. She got little butterflies seeing him again. 'Different clothes' she thought rapidly. "Thank you! You look very handsome Castle.""Thank you! Here, I have a small present for you!" "Wow! Thanks!" She took the ribbon off and flipped through it. "That was very sweet! Thank you so much, I love it!" "You're welcome! So are you ready to go?" "Yeah" she said. She put the book down on the coffee table and they headed for the door.

Kate went to reach for the door handle of the car to open it and Castle got there first. "Allow me!" he said. She smiled at him. She had forgotten, they were on a date now. She got in and he went around to the driver's side and got in. They were off. They pulled up to the restaurant and Kate knew to wait until Rick came around and got her this time. He held out his hand and she got out of the car. They were seated at a little corner table. Each table had a candle and a little vase of flowers on it. The table cloths were white cotton. When Castle said hole-in-the-wall she pictured checkered table cloths and sawdust on the floor. This was nice though. Small, yes but not really a hole-in-the-wall!

"Would you like some wine Kate?" "Sure, red I guess." Castle ordered a bottle of red wine and took a sip of water. "So how has your vacation been?" Castle asked, noticing how beautiful her eyes were. "Well the first couple of days were a bit of an emotional turmoil but the rest has been great so far!" He couldn't believe she exposed herself like that. Maybe she _is _changing. He decided not to pursue it. She would tell him what she wanted to, or what she didn't want to. No pushing he promised her.

"Lanie and I went dancing Sunday night!" she said with a slight laugh. "_You_ went dancing?" his eyes widened. "Yeah, it was my idea!" "It was _your_ idea?" he almost choked on his water. "I told you Castle, there are layers of the Beckett onion you know nothing about!" she said teasing him. "I guess so!" he said admiring her even more. It was as if he could literally see her coming out of this hibernation she had been in so long. 'If I had anything to do with that, then I'm so honored' he thought. He had never seen her smile so much in all the time he knew her. She seemed happy and it seemed to be because of him! Him! I've hit the jackpot he thought as he looked over the menu.

They both decided on the spaghetti with meatballs since it was the specialty. Castle ordered garlic bread also for them to share and they each had a small salad. The wine and food were very good. They talked about their high school days and how Castle got in trouble pulling a senior prank. "This comes as no surprise to me Castle, knowing you!" She said. He just laughed. He continued to laugh as he thought about that day. Kate just let him enjoy himself.

They took their time at dinner and were able to relax after both being nervous at first. Their conversation was light and fun. This was a whole different way of seeing each other and a nice change from having to ponder over cases. She admired Castle so much. He was incredibly smart and funny of course. He was generous to a fault too. He was a great Dad and that made him very sexy to her. She was staring at him. 'He has great hair' she thought. She was so attracted to him right now. They finished their wine and the club was so close they were able to walk there.

The band went on at nine and it was a quarter to nine now. After entering, they saw lots of people standing around talking and drinking. He took Kate's hand and led her to the back. There was security there making sure no one went back stage. "Hi, my friend Bill is in the band could you tell him I am here?" Castle asked the very tall security guy. "Hold on" was the gruff guy's response. Castle looked at Beckett and smiled. She smiled back. Bill came out the door and said "Castle, you made it, man! Great to see you!" The two friends hugged and Castle said, "great to see you too!" Rick turned to Kate and said, "Kate this is my friend Bill, Bill this is Kate." They shook hands and Kate asked "so what do you play in the band?" "Oh guitar!" "Really? Kate said excitedly, "I am learning guitar!" "That's great! Its fun isn't it?" Bill said. "Yeah I love it!"

Castle was happy the two were bonding. Bill wasn't his best friend but he was a pretty good friend and he wanted to know that the woman he loved and his friends could get along. "Well sorry Ricky but I have to get back; we go on in five minutes." "Oh yeah, sure!" Rick said. "Very nice to meet you Kate and keep up with that guitar playing!" "Thanks, nice to meet you too and I will!" Kate said happily. "He's a nice guy Castle!" "Yeah I've known Bill since College. We sure had a lot of fun!" "I'm sure you did Castle!" Kate said rolling her eyes a little bit smiling.

They went to the bar and ordered wine, then found a place at a table somewhere in the middle. There were tables in the back up higher and an open space up front for dancing. The lights dimmed and the cheering began. "Thank you!" the lead singer said. The band were all in their early to mid-forties. Kate's eyes went to Rick's friend, the guitarist. 'He is pretty good', she thought. The band went through a mix of newer and older rock songs that you could dance to. A lot of people were out on the dance floor. Castle put an arm around her as they drank their wine and listened to the music. All the wine was making them both in a festive mood.

The band finished the song they were playing and stopped. The lead singer then said, "Thanks for coming out to see us on a school night! Our wonderful guitarist Bill over here to my left would like to dedicate this next song to his buddy Rick and his girl Kate. Where are you Rick and Kate?" Castle stood up and lifted his wine glass to Bill. "Stand up Kate, come on they want to know who we are!" Kate reluctantly stood up. Everyone cheered! "Well you know we are going to have to go out there and dance now, don't you?" Castle said smiling. The band started up with AC/DC's You shook me all night long. "Oh no Castle I'm not going out there and dancing to _that_!""Come on, you _have_ to! Come on, it's just a song!" Castle said dragging her by the hand to the dance floor.

She wanted to impress him, to make him want her. The wine was making her inhibitions come down. "Working double time on the seduction line..." the singer was singing. Kate was using her best moves on Rick, a lot like she did when they were under cover at the other club. She was making Castle week in the knees. 'It's going to be hard going slow if she keeps that up' he thought flirting back with her. She was dancing very close to him and could smell his aftershave. He had his hand on her hip and was close to her face. She could feel his breath on her skin. The band finished the song and it seemed the whole club was out there dancing. Everyone clapped, and Castle hugged her and kissed her cheek.

"I need to use the restroom" she said. "Ok, I'll go too" and led her off in the direction of the bathrooms. He finished first and was waiting for her to come out. She came out and locked eyes with him, and pulled him over to the corner away from everyone where it was dark and kissed him. He felt the curve of her back with his hands and traced it down to her hips where he put both hands. She had her hands on his chest and moved them to his back stroking it. It was getting hot and heavy, really fast and she knew they had to slow it down. 'I guess I can't keep telling him I want to go slow if I keep doing that' she told herself. She couldn't help herself though. It was hard to control all this attraction now that it was let out of the bottle. She pulled away and hugged him. He kissed her cheek then her head. "Maybe we should call it a night Castle." "Ok" he took her hand and they walked near the stage and waved to Bill. He nodded his head and smiled at them.

The ride home was a little quiet. "Thank you Rick, Beckett said breaking the silence, "I had the best time tonight. It was so much fun and the band was great!" "I had a great time too!" Castle said. "Would you go out with me again?" "Of course!" Kate looked at him and said, "Next time do you think we could take the Ferrari?" She started to laugh. "Oh so you kind of liked driving that, did you?" Castle looked at her and smiled. "Yeah" she said shyly. "I'll tell you what! Are you busy Friday?" He wanted to spend every waking minute with her, but knew he couldn't risk that, so Friday seemed far enough away. "No, I don't have any plans." Kate said wondering what he was up to. "Well how about if I take you to lunch, then we'll take the Ferrari upstate and get it out on the open road and you can drive?" Rick grinned at her knowing she would not be able to resist that. "Are you serious?"she said like a school girl. "Yeah but only on one condition!" "What?" Now she was a bit leery. "You bring your badge in case we get pulled over for speeding!" "You're on!" She said, happy to be in _any_ car with him right now.


End file.
